since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
