the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
