Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
