I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
