So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
