I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
