He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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