so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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