Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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