I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
