She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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