I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize