i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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