at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
