ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
