I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
