i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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