im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
