The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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