the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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