Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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