i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Congratulations! We have a period
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