And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
