she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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