you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
