dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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