mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
