They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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