you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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