the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
