Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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