Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
