his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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