What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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