I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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