What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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