i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
