I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
