I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
