Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
