just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
