I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
