update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
