i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
