She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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