I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
