Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
