If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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