Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
