I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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