i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
