Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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