I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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