I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
