dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
