I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
