I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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