I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
