If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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