Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
