I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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