Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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