Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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