OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize