But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
