You're a womanizer and a bitch.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
