Yo dont text me then not text me
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
