you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
