oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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