she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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